Gift or Punishment?

I dedicate this post to the many parents (victims) who unknowingly fall prey to the evil doings of those "Assembly Required" gift givers. I am NOT purposely trying to point a finger, but these "Assembly Required" or "A.R." gift givers who maliciously choose gifts that have a 12 hour assembly time and 4,000 or more tiny pieces, are more often than not "THE GRANDPARENTS"! They want us to believe that their gifts come from a benevolent heart, when in truth the A.R. gift giver usually spends weeks or maybe even months searching for that special gift with the 4,000 pieces. Clearly this is a premeditated attempt at revenge for something that we innocent parents may or may NOT have done. It is an example of an out of control problem that must be addressed. Most of these A.R. gifts cause great distress for the entire family. These gifts usually cause physical and emotional pain on the young and innocent children. The emotional part comes from the fact that no parent in their right mind is going to even attempt to put an A.R. gift together until at least 3-9 weeks after the gift was received and even then there is no guarantee that all 4,000 pieces still exist. Most likely at least half of the parts are either flushed down the toilet or glued down to an art project. The physical pain comes when the parent has completely lost their mind after weeks of temper tantrums and then finally construction begins. After reading the instructions for 3 hours and attempting to locate every single little screw, you undoubtedly find that your missing several parts. Not that that should matter because the directions that you just read are only good if you live in the Eastern part of the world at an altitude higher than 10,000 ft. SO YOU MUST START OVER! By now the excited and restless child is tearing and throwing the box and all the packing material all around the room. The tantrums start up again and thus the physical pain of a spanking comes upon the child. The father who is seriously considering throwing this A.R. gift out to the garbage is quickly reminded that his in-laws bought the gift and they will soon return from Hawaii and expect to see the grandchild playing happily with the A.R. toy. The father mutters a few words and again begins his futile attempt at constructing something that looks halfway like the picture on the box. Once again more beatings are given out to the restless child. Finally after 12 hours of hard work the A.R. toy is complete. After this experience we have decided that those innocent little children in China are paid too MUCH! They have the easy job of throwing a handful of uncounted parts into a box and gluing it shut. Surely these children in China don't suffer as needlessly as the many innocent children who receive A.R. gifts for Christmas? And let's not forget the parents who suffered through the endless hours of A.R. construction, parent abuse, an utterly destroyed house, thoughts of suicide and finally thoughts of homicide! So one last Thank you to all of the A.R. gift givers. The children, although happy and grateful for the gift, are unable to play with them right now because their bums are red and painful!